miscellaneous rambling

This year marks my 10th year as an expat. This exceeds my original plan by oh... 9 years.
Which is needless to say that, life continues to surpise despite all that one plans. and this is one of the reasons why I"m still where I am.

So.. I go back to Edmonton almost every year, and every year I see the changes in my fair hometown. This year though, I went to Toronto too. The biggest of Canadian cities. The business capital of Canada. (one of ) the cultural centers of the nation. I looked forward to this trip alot. Especially because I haven't been there in many years, and also because many friends and family are there. I enjoyed the time there, but the giant of Canada didn't seem so big to me, and Dallas coming from New York thought Toronto downright small.

For me, the greatest impression of Toronto, and perhaps of many North American cities, was that of being in the Suburbs. With small offices and strip malls there, one can live and shop for their daily needs without ever entering the city of Toronto itself let alone it's downtown core.
That was a frightening thing for me. Clean Chinese shops and BBQ places. No dirt, no smoking in the buildings, no yelling and screaming, and so much English together with the Chinese. It was extreme culture shock for me.
I felt the soul of Chinese culture was altered, cleaned up and modified for 21st century North Americans, and I felt disturbed. Life seemed so sterile, and I didn't like it.

It was then that I felt that to move back to North America will be harder than I expected. Of course there are high costs of living, and the question of work, but more important than that I felt that I have really left for awhile and that things had changed alot. I have been thinking of the past decade in Asia, and the changes that have happened here and in myelf.
One reason why I continue to stay here is that there are new things that present themselves and opportunites always arise. Of course, that's not to say that they won't happen in North America though.~ you'll note I say North America, because I don't know if I'd end up in Canada or back in Edmonton for that matter.

Steinbeck writes in "Travels with Charley" about when he "was young, and the urge to travel was upon me, older people said that maturity will cure this." he goes on for almost two pages. In the end, he admits that he will never be rid of urge to travel unless senility sets in. and "once a bum, always a bum".
Perhaps this is/ will be me. Although I have to say, my travels seem shorter than before. I feel older and more settled in. I feel aches in my body that tell me that I"m really over 30 now, and can't deny it anymore. But perhaps the changes and excitement from travel will keep me around the world for sometime more.

I look back on the past decade as one that was as colorful as anybody's. Expats make alot of sacrifices to be where they are. I truly feel we are a different lot . I met a friend here that said he has no plans to ever go back to his home country. He sees no need, other than just a visit. I was very suprised to hear that. To me, it felt like "turning ones back" on their country. but now I see it differently. You cannot change who you are, and you can always be a representative of your country. It doesn't mean you have to be there your whole life.